Acceptance and resilience in these times
If anything is clear about “pandemic times”, it’s that we are living with profound uncertainty. None of us imagined the pandemic six months ago, and much of what we hoped about its course and impact has been upended. It’s now clear that the disease in the US is different and worse than in most other countries, because our current political authorities have mobilized hostility towards the elites and their belief systems - including belief in science - in the service their political goals.
Nonetheless, no one will “Make America Great Again”, and we will not be reopened and back to normal in another few weeks or few months. We are in this for quite a long haul. The ability to tolerate uncertainty, anxiety and adversity is resilience. How can individuals muster resilience in this mess?
Admiral James Stockdale was the ranking American prisoner in North Vietnam for seven years (and later Ross Perot’s running mate in 1992). He was tortured and decorated for his bravery during captivity. When the management guru Jim Collins asked him why he survived his experience while others did not, he said:
"I can tell you who didn’t make it out. It was the optimists...They were the ones who always said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ Christmas would come and it would go. And there would be another Christmas. And they died of a broken heart…you must never ever ever confuse, on the one hand, the need for absolute, unwavering faith that you can prevail despite those constraints with, on the other hand, the need for the discipline to begin by confronting the brutal facts, whatever they are. We’re not getting out of here by Christmas.”
Stockdale’s words brought to mind the famous maxim of the Italian Communist Antonio Gramsci (who died imprisoned by the Mussolini regime), “Pessimism of the intellect; optimism of the will.” Interestingly, Gramsci himself attributed his famous phrase to the novelist (and Nobel laureate) Romain Rolland, a lifelong pacifist, follower of Tagore and Gandhi, student of Hindu philosophy and a close correspondent of Sigmund Freud’s, who credited Rolland with introducing him to "eastern thought”. So I draw a long - perhaps circuitous - line connecting Admiral Stockdale to Gramsci, Rolland, Freud and the wisdom that a meditative perspective brings to our situation in the 2020 pandemic, all suggesting that the foundation of resilience, to getting through this adversity intact and functioning, is the acceptance of what is. We’re not getting out of here by Christmas.
Professor Sigal Barsade takes on the need to recognize and stem the anxiety - the emotional contagion - that accompanies mass events like the pandemic, which inevitably enters the workspace. After all, everyone is doing social distancing all wrong - except you! Even when guided by what is, by science, individual risk tolerance and priorities will conflict. We need to be accepting of these differences while remaining positive, since our teams look to leaders to planfully, consciously create the “positive counterbalance” that respects both “what is” and expresses our determination to prevail over adversity. An excellent webinar from the Harvard-related Institute of Coaching also gives some great examples of how to do this.
Resilience is a popular topic these days: if you’ve found one of these books (or some other) particularly helpful, please let me know. I can commend Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks, an historical novel of how an English village isolated itself to prevent the spread of plague. Dark, rich and deeply humane.